


Your Twiddle Rompus Makes My Silk Barnacle Burn

by Trinadecker



Category: Original Work
Genre: Christian Friendly Smut, F/M, Fake Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-02
Updated: 2012-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-17 14:09:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/552399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trinadecker/pseuds/Trinadecker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fake smut written as a joke for a "competition" with friends to see who could write the worst smut using the words from the list of christian friendly euphemisms for 'penis' and 'vagina' provided by Christwire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Twiddle Rompus Makes My Silk Barnacle Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, seriously. Don't expect anything good coming in here. This is unedited fake smut that's written badly on purpose by a sixteen year old virgin, using ridiculous words for genitals. I also went overboard with it because this was a word count boost for my NaNoWriMo.  
> If you do choose to proceed, you've been warned, and enjoy.

Eric pressed her against the wood of the door with the strength of his sculpted, galloping abs. He smirked, thinking to himself that it wasn't the only wood around at the moment. Heat pooled in his twiddle rompus as he ground it into Ava's hips, causing her to let out a gasp.

She giggled and wrapped her arms around his broad manly shoulders to pull him in for a kiss. One of her hands slid between them to cup his puking flesh weasel and give it a gentle squeeze. He groaned into her mouth, sucking her tongue between his teeth.

“Should we take this to the bedroom, love bear?” Ava pulled away from Eric and gave him a dark smile.

“Oh yes,” he replied, swooping her into his big bulging manly arms and carrying her down the hall to her bedroom, where he dumped her gracefully onto the covers. “You're so sexy,” he told her, his eyes raking over the Sexy Hamburger costume she'd bought for this year's Halloween. The meat and lettuce pattern looked so tantalizing over her fleshy chest bumps.

“Mm,” She responded, arching her hips into his aching fleshy roman spear. “Touch me,” She ordered. “Touch me in my neighbor of anus.”

“I'd love to.” he growled the words as he slid a hand up the hem of her costume. “Those sesame seeds look so good on you, babe.”

She moaned at his words, her thighs quivering as she spread them to give him access to her egg crate. His fingers began to dance over her Satan's doorbell through her panties and she choked out a gasp. She reached and wrapped a pale hand over his squirt dart through his boxers. She tugged his underwear off as quickly as she could in her odd position, watching as his Johnson's little fishing buddy sprang from the fabric. His fingers slipped under her panties and through her slick magic crepe and she closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation. As she did so she wrapped her open hand around the base of his unmuzzled wag-tail and began to pump her hand up and down, fingers gently pressing the vein that ran underneath.

He removed his fingers from Ava's warm potato as he began to place open-mouthed kisses in a lazy line down her still-clothed stomach, forcing her to remove her hands from his god's harpoon. She arched into his lips and he pressed her hips back down with his palms.

“Eager,” Eric commented, giving a low chuckle. “Just be patient. I'll get to your harpoon target in a moment, baby.”

“You better,” She replied with a smirk.

A smile twitched at the corner of his lips as he returned his focus to her stomach. He frowned at the fact that she was still clothed and reached to push the hem of the dress above her hip bones.

“We should take this off.”

She picked her back up off of the sheets for a moment as Eric slipped the dress from her figure, revealing the lacy cheeseburger bra that she had matched with her fry-patterned panties.

“Oh, fucking hell, Ava.” He ran his hands over the lace of her bra, unable to resist the temptation. “Cheese too? This is just too hot.” He wiped away the sweat that was beading at his brow only to return it to her chest. “I don't know if I can take it. Did you wear this just for me?”

Ava clasped her hands over Eric's, pressing them harder into her bra and therefore her breasts. “You know it, sex bomb.” Her eyes narrowed with lust and she pulled him down by his neck. She planted his lips firmly on her own, and kissed him passionately before releasing him. “Now continue,” She ordered.

He obeyed, returning to placing kisses along her stomach. This time, however, he let his lips ghost along the lace trim of her bra. His tongue dipped into the hollow of her hip and he kissed along the line of her panties. He hooked a finger under them and began to tug them down, revealing her folded flesh leaf. She arched her hips into him, bringing her eve's tunnel closer to his face. He slipped a single finger up and into her ovary hallway and she clenched around him, encouraging him to move. He slowly began to slide his finger along the interior of her flap dragon, hitting just the right spot.

"Oh god, don't stop." She moaned aloud, sure that the neighbors could hear her. She didn't car though. everyone should know of their beautiful, intense love. "Another, oh, god, another. More." She growled the words out through gritted teeth. The single finger in her silk barnacle was too much like teasing for her to bear.

"You want more, baby?" he asked, conitinuing to pump his finger in and out of her slick bullet wound.

"Yes," she moaned. "Yes, please! Just, hell, do it already!" He smireked, loving the fact that she was begging for him to please her. He slid another finger into her harpy nest and continued that way for awhile, knowing very well that it would not be enough to please her. After a few moments he felt her growing frustrated and he slid in another finger. She was letting out little involuntary moans now, and her canker blossom was quivering more and more with every passing moment that he stimulated her. "Oh god, I'm almost there!" She cried, her moans becoming louder. He inserted another finger and flicked his tongue over her satan's doorbell, peering up to watch as she came closer and closer to falling apart beneath his touch.

However, when he sensed her walls tightening, he pulled his fingers from within her blood sewer and pulled his tongue out of reach. She growled in frustration and reached down to tug him up violently. He swallowed as he saw the pure lust in her eyes. His smirking expression rapidly faded to one of surprise as she grasped his tickle dangus in her hands and lined it up with the entrance to her pink velveeta shell.

"Oh. I can see you're ready for more." He growled, curling his hand over her own.

"You're evil," she commented, rubbing the head of his trap-stick over her slurpin' salmon. "You kept me from my release. Now I'm going to tease you." A smirk graced her lips and she danced her fingers along the length of his colorado spitting viper. "Don't you see how painful this is? Don't you want to be inside my pink jello box?"

"I would love nothing more than to have my satan scepter inside your jello box," he admitted. "Please. Let me insert myself into your jello."

The smirk on her face turned to a gasp as she tugged him forward and let the head of his DNA rifle fill her wizard sleeve. She pushed the gun in farther, loving the sensation as it flikked her pubic pub.

“Oh god, your rank weasel feels so good, babe.” Eric moaned as he pressed forward, causing her to let out a little gasp.

“Fuck me,” She ordered. “I want your twaddle stick to explode inside my clack-dish.”

“And I want my monster dangle to explode inside you, my beautiful honey bear babe.” He slid his God's pinky finger further into her front business.

He began to pump his flesh sword in and out of her man's gift, watching as the o began to form on her lips once more. Her delayed orgasm was builing power within her fleshy fault line, and she tensed the muscles within it to bring her release closer to the surface.

"Don't stop. Keep pumping that rod of life into me, babe."

"I'm not going to stop. My tadpole torpedo loves your pubic pub." Eric moaned, hips snapping into her in a steady motion.

Moans escaped Ava's lips as her orgasm built within her. She soon shattered underneath him, her frothy creek contracting repeatedly around his life muscle. Eric's name was ripped from her throat as she writhed on the bed sheets. "Oh god, I'm almost there, babe."

"Mmm." She moaned, the blissful aftereffects of her orgasm coursing through her body. "Come on baby. Come for me. I want to see your dwaddle vein explode."

Eric's face contorted in pleasure and his rythm became erratic, his sin snake snapping in and out of her devil's fun slide rapidly. Ava's name spilled over his lips and his fingers dug into mattress. He slid out of her flesh wrap to collapse on the bed beside her.

"I love you," he muttered, slipping an arm around her as she curled into his side.

"I love you too," She replied, letting her eyelids flutter shut. She soon dozed off into a light sleep.

Eric smiled, knowing that Ava was his and that they could make beautiful passionate love with her devil sponge and his temptation knob for many years to come. And as it turns out, they did.

THE END


End file.
